One of the habits I have adopted when feeling down, is to conduct a review on how I perceive myself. Basically I check my self-esteem levels to see if there is an area that needs a boost. This is a tricky self-evaluation to conduct, since what a person values can be mistaken for what society values. Telling the difference involves asking some hard questions and taking a deep look into the answers. My top 4 questions include…
**Am I a “yes” man/woman? Some say that being overly agreeable and never saying no suggests a person has low self-esteem. But take stock of situations and determine the reason behind the choice to say yes. I am nurturer so I rarely say no, and I found this feeds my need to feel helpful. In situations where I genuinely cannot or will not participate I have either said no, or found a work around. Either way I make sure my decisions are my own.
**Did I say something nice about myself today? Another common indicator that ideas of self-worth are teetering downward is personal conversations. Not whether or not they are being had, but what is being said. We are own worst critics, but if we continuously berate ourselves and think negatively, our perception will have no where to go but further down. Pay yourself a compliment first thing in the morning and again right before going to bed. Remind yourself that despite what life throws your way you can and will handle it with ferocity and class.
**Do I consistently allow others to make simple decisions for me? Being indecisive when it comes to things like where to eat or what to wear seems harmless enough, but the inability to take charge majority of the time will negatively affect your self-esteem. I am all for keeping the opinions of others in mind, but usually when it comes to making a group decision, I begin by throwing out some options. Even if your choices do not make the final cut, you can take pride in knowing you made your feelings known, and that those around you have taken them into consideration.
**Am I comfortable with telling people what I think? This is a tough one for people who prefer to avoid conflict. Guilty! Most of the time I will express my feelings but will do so in a passive way. My main goal is to make sure my opinion is heard and understood. A lack in assertiveness can result in losing complete control of a conversation, which does not help a person’s self-perception. What has helped me is to allow the other person to speak their mind, while I fully listen and process their point. Then I try to put myself in their shoes. This helps me come up with a response that does not attack them but still allows my view to be heard. I had to learn to change my goal from winning the debate to making sure my thoughts and feelings are heard loud and clear.
Building up and maintaining a healthy sense of self is an ongoing process that requires work on a daily basis. Remaining mindful helps perpetuate focus on the moment and avoid jumping to conclusions that can deter personal success.
Fellow Resolifers, can you detect when your level is less than desirable? What measures do you take to sustain positive self-esteem? Comment below, and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram @reso_life, Twitter @life_reso, and Google+ @ResoLife