The holidays are less than 3 weeks out and it is the time of year many begin to reflect on their life and relationships. Before focusing on the present it is common to review the past. Today’s post, I have to admit, was inspired by Ariana Grande’s latest hit “Thank you, Next” where she pays homage to the lessons learned from her ex-boyfriends. We all know it is not easy to be that mature. But taking the time to look for the positive in an old relationship instead of thinking about all that went wrong, is not only the “adult” thing to do, but it is also healthy. Some ways I have considered the positives in a relationship that was not quite right for me include…
I) Thinking about how I changed as a person. There are opportunities for growth in every romantic, friendly, and casual encounter. The difference may be small, but it is something that will help in the future.
II) Develop coping skills. With every bruise comes pain and the knowledge on how to decrease your chances of getting hurt again. Fact: Avoiding relationship pain is not an option. So the best option is to have a great defense. Build your ability to remove emotional components and analyze a situation using the facts.
III) Learning what I want and don’t want out of a relationship. No one knows your needs better than you. And that knowledge comes from experience. Make an informed decision on what aspects of a relationship are a must have and which ones you can live without.
IV) Considering my role throughout the relationship and in its ultimate ending. The actions of each person involved played a part in the good, bad, and ugly aspects of an association. Self-reflection is the most important part of saying good bye in a healthy way.
Appreciating others begins with appreciating yourself. Most do not start a relationship with the intent to hurt another. Look for all the good that came about during your time together as well as the good that came from you. Using the positive in existing and future relationships will carry on that appreciation into the more “adult” “mature” and “accepting” you.
Fellow Resolifers what is one thing you have learned from previous relationships? Comment below.
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